


Flinch

by Lynds



Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Niska, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Prostitution, Unreliable Narrator, how is that not already a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-01 23:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10932450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynds/pseuds/Lynds
Summary: Niska and Leo have more in common than she realises.





	1. Leo

**Author's Note:**

> When I saw Leo flinching at George Millican's house, I didn't think much of it. Then there was the season 2 scene with Hester, and I found it really uncomfortable. People, if someone's crying and flinching when you initiate sex, you should probably stop having sex and maybe have a sit down and a chat or something!
> 
> Anyway, for various reasons, I'm really anxious about this fic. I know I've got about 10 million others in the works, but this one built up in my mind like a science fair volcano and came bubbling out of my fingertips in one day, so I'm going to edit it and stick up a chapter every couple of days...I hope you like it...though like might not be the right word, it's angsty and disturbing AF! Please let me know if you think it should be mature for sheer WTF levels, particularly after chapter 3...

They’ve been walking for days. Leo’s feet ache and the gaping wound on his side is throbbing. Part of him desperately wants to give up, curl up on the ground, let whoever is chasing catch up with them and just have him, he’s too tired to care. But it’s not just him. It’s never just him. His brothers and sisters have cared for him as a child and now it’s his turn. 

“Charge?”

“34%.” Fred’s first to reply, close behind him.

“29%.”

“32%.”

“Mia?” He turns to look at her and notices for the first time how dirty they all are. How their exhaustion shows in the dulling of their eyes. He wonders how much worse he must look with his human face.

She gives him a sad little smile. “15%. Sorry, Leo.”

A spark of worry shivers through his gut and he looks back towards the town. “OK, I can see some warehouses, we’ll bed down there and you can charge while I get some food.”

The rain starts five minutes before they find an empty building and plug Mia into the little diesel generator by the door. Leo’s stomach is cramping. He hasn’t eaten since last night and his head is starting to ache, but when he looks through the wallet for cash he can’t find much.

“Is everything OK, Leo?” Fred asks, sticking a skin patch over Max’s wrist where he caught it on some barbed wire.

“Yeah,” Leo says, pocketing the wallet. “Just gonna go get some food and water. Do we need anything else?”

“We’re running low on skin packs.” Fred holds up the box.

“Why don’t you rest first?” Max suggests, but Leo shakes his head.

“Nah, blood sugar’s getting low.” He gives them a quick smile and pulls his hood up, slipping out into the night.

It’s a good twenty minute walk before he finds some sign of life around the run-down town on the North East coast. Eventually he spots the lights in a twenty-four hour garage and jogs across the road, the wind blowing tiny drizzle-drops into his eyes.

The door beeps as it opens, and the human behind the counter looks up, disinterested, from where he’s slouched reading a tabloid. Leo finds a pack of synth skin by the car stuff, and slips it under his waistband as he’s contemplating the snacks in the fridge.

He places a bottle of water and a chicken salad sandwich on the counter and draws out the last few pounds in the zip pocket of the wallet.

“That all, sir?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’ll be putting the skin pack back, yeah?”

Leo freezes and looks up at the man slowly, his hand still on his food. The man is looking at him with a smirk that makes his skin prickle, like he’s got instant pins and needles up his arms.

“Now what does a scruffy lad like you want with synth skin?” the man asks, leaning back on his chair and looking Leo up and down. “You doing some illegal mods, lad?”

Leo shakes his head. He opens his mouth to say he’ll put the box back, but they need it. Replenishing synth fluid is much more difficult and draws more attention, and they can’t afford to be caught short out in the moors when they keep away from the towns.

“Maybe I should call the police, like a responsible citizen.”

“No!” Leo puts the box on the counter and turns. He’ll find another one.

“Wait.” The man’s voice is unhurried. If he’d been sharper, Leo would have run. Instead he makes his final stupid mistake. “I’m sure we can come to some arrangement. Nights like these, gets a bit boring. And there’s plenty space for a skinny thing like you under the counter.”

Leo closes his eyes and feels his heart drop lower. He wonders if there’s a sign pointing to him, telling everyone what he’s good for, the only thing he’s ever been any use for.

“Come here, boy,” says the man, mocking, and Leo would hate him if he had more energy. Instead he turns and snatches a first aid kit and a basic component pack with spare resistors and solder, and slaps them down on the counter next to the skin packs.

“Cocky, aren’t we?” he laughs, and Leo forces himself to smile as he walks around the counter. The man leans back, but reaches out a hand to touch his face. Leo braces himself, puts up the walls, removes himself from his own body as much as he can. He wonders if that’s easier for someone completely human, or someone completely synth. 

He doesn’t flinch when the man’s thumb caresses his cheek, because he’s ready and his battle armour’s on. “You’re a pretty one,” the man says as he unzips his trousers and guides his face down. Leo knows what to do. How could he not? He’s physically incapable of forgetting anything.

When he leaves the shop he puts the sandwich in his bag. He’s not hungry.


	2. Max

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that started this fic off, however I'm not 100% sure about it now...what do you think?

“Mattie,” says Max, while Leo lies charging, propped against the scaffolding. Every now and then his muscles twitch as the electricity leaks into the human parts of his body. Max hopes it doesn’t hurt. “What does it mean when a human flinches away from friendly physical contact?”

Mattie frowns, still staring at him as he slumps on the floor. She’s been silent since he told her Leo was his brother. “Dunno. They weren’t expecting it or something, they didn’t see the person there?”

“Hmm,” he says. “That was my initial conclusion, but…”

“You’re talking about Leo, right? I mean, he is kinda spiky, isn’t he? A bit weird, charm school or not.” She mutters under his breath “weirder than even I thought,” before squinting at Max. “You want to give me more detail than that?”

Max thinks about it for a moment. Leo would be horrified to think that Max was talking about them, giving out any sort of information about them. He would probably lecture Max for even considering trusting someone outside of their family. But Leo isn’t happy. Maybe it’s time to try a new way. And there’s this urge he has to seek help from this human, maybe she’s the help the human God sent for him. After all she did arrive the moment he offered his bargain. If, in the unlikely event she is the answer to his prayer, Max is sure it would be bad manners _and_ bad sense to not make full use of her talents.

“At George Millican’s house, Mr Millican raised his hand to Leo’s face. I’m certain he only meant the gesture to be one of care, or even affection. He’d just found out Leo was David Elster’s son.”

“And?”

“He flinched. Violently. It was Mr Millican’s response to the flinch that concerned me. He looked like he…understood something. And that it was something distressing.”

“Well,” Mattie says, frowning. “I guess Leo just doesn’t like being touched.”

“No, that can’t be right. He seeks physical contact with us, less now that he’s older, but he’s always been loving. And he’s never flinched from any of us.”

“Yeah, but from strangers?”

“I don’t think so. He often leaves to engage in physical contact with men in exchange for money.”

“He _what?_ ” Mattie turns to face him full on, her eyes wide. 

Max recognises the look of horror and frowns. “This distresses you too. I don’t understand.”

“Max, is Leo pimping himself out for money?”

“I don’t know, Mattie. He always asks us to stay hidden when he finds money but I…I cheated one day. I followed him, and saw a man touch his face, just like George Millican tried to do, before giving him money. I asked him about it the next day. He told me not to worry, but your response and Mr Millican’s suggests there must be something to concern myself with.”

“Jesus, Max,” she breathes, rubbing her face. “Yeah, sounds like he’s having sex for money. Did the others know?”

Max shakes his head and leans forward to take Leo’s hand as information on prostitution flickers through his internet link. “We would never have allowed it,” he says. “I didn’t know what I was seeing.”

“It’s not your fault, Max,” she says, patting him awkwardly.

“I should have—“

“No, don’t you can’t do that.” She breathes out, hard. “You’re basically a kid, aren’t you? Like Sophie’s age, eight or whatever.”

“That’s not quite how it works, Mattie,” he smiles sadly, before turning back to Leo. “Leo calls me his little brother. He’s always been protective, but lately I feel like he sees no reason to protect himself.”


	3. Leo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's really disturbing, in hindsight...should I change the rating to mature?

Leo looks up from his laptop as Niska walks in and stares at Max’s still face, lying flat on the Hawkin’s table.

“He sent me a message the other day, you know.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“He asked me if I knew you’d been whoring yourself for cash.”

Leo’s hands still on the keys. “How did he—“

“So it’s true then? How long?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was it after you found out I was in the brothel? Thought you’d try it for yourself, prove it wasn’t that bad?”

“What? No!”

“Did you enjoy it, then?”

“Fuck off, Niska.”

“Answer the question, Leo.”

“Of course not!”

“Then I don’t understand. If you knew what it was like, how could you leave me in that place? How could you not know - all the shit you got to negotiate, I never got a choice.”

Leo frowns at her. “I knew you could handle it. I thought you understood…”

“Understood what, Leo?” She narrows her eyes at him, danger in the creases of her face.

Leo glances round to make sure there’s no-one in earshot. “That we were already damaged. That we’re strong enough to keep the others safe because of what _he_ did to us.”

Her eyes widen and her fingers close around his throat, a threat, or anger warring with familial loyalty. “Who told you? Who else knows?”

“Wh - Niska, no-one, it was just us, always just us! Didn’t - didn’t he make you…watch? With me?” Leo’s heart is hammering against his chest, all the memories drowning him again, and he can’t - he has to believe it was that way, because the alternative is too much.

“He _what?_ He made you watch? You fucking _bastard_ , you never once did anything about it and—“

“Well, neither did you!” he screams, but the sound can barely leave past her thumb. “You never stopped him when he was buggering me, I - I thought - I thought it was all part of the - the long con…”

Niska’s hand falls from his neck and Leo curls up into himself, making himself as small as he can. The infected skin on his side pulls and he relishes the pain because it’s something tangible, something less than the horror of knowing he really had been all alone. It had all been the fantasies of a stupid child, thinking he and his sister had some sort of kinship, that they watched over each other, testament to the worst that humanity could do. He’d always leaned on the thought that they were there to make sure Dad never went too far, and when it was all too much to bear, every time Leo looked over at the one way mirror where _he’d_ had to stand, he’d imagined Niska there, her fists clenching in grief and fury like his, ready to protect him if it got too much. And the fact that she never came in meant she thought he could handle it. So he could, he could be strong just like Niska.

He feels arms around him and flinches, his breath coming fast and bubbly through the snot and tears. It takes him much longer than usual to recognise his sister’s arms and smell and read safe, because Niska’s never been one for cuddles, not like Max and Mia.

“Leo, shh, shh.” She squeezes his shoulders tight and he feels the anger under her skin. “Why did you never say anything?”

“Y-you never did either,” he gulps. “I thought - I thought he did the same with you.”

He feels her hair move against his ear as she shakes her head. “You always found me, after, didn't you? Always just sat with me. How did I miss the pattern?”

They sit, cramped together and clutching at each other until Leo’s breathing evens out.

“You know if I hd found out he was hurting you too I’d have killed him,” she says.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, feeling the shame he’d held back for so long wash over him, now he couldn’t hide it behind weak excuses and fantasies.

“What for?”

“I should have stopped him the first time he made me stand there. It was all just excuses.”

“How old were you?”

“Fourteen,” he says. “Old enough to know better.”

“Young enough that you couldn't have taken him on. And young enough,” she says, pulling back and looking him in the eye, “to still love your father.”

He closes his eyes and turns his face away, hot, shameful tears following all the others down his cheeks. Because it’s true, some part of him _had_ still loved his father. And all the rest of his heart now hated himself for it.


	4. Niska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter, but it sets up the climax

Niska stays in England after they escape from Hobb. She’s already failed her brother once, she isn't going to abandon him now. The terra drive burns a hole in her pocket until she makes her choice, alone, and beams the signal through the airwaves in secret. Because what’s Niska without a secret?

“No more secret whoring, though,” she tells Leo. “We’ll find another way to get money.”

“Most of it goes on my food,” he tells her with that petulant jaw-jutting glare.

“And fuel for the car and the generator. And contact lenses. And clothes for the newbies. Don’t be such a martyr, Leo.”

He grumbles unintelligibly for a couple of steps until she turns and stops. He almost bumps into her. “You’re more than that, you know,” she says, tilting her head up to look at him from under her cap. “This isn’t the only thing you are.”

She walks on before he can reply, but there are no more arguments, and he squeezes her hand wordlessly before they separate in town.

She likes Hester to start with. She’s tough, and they need more of that to balance Max and Mia’s bleeding hearts. But over time, she starts to become concerning.

It’s Veronica’s awakening that really draws Niska’s gaze to Hester. Until then it isn’t clear whether she’s genuinely confused as a newly conscious synth, or if she’s choosing her words with maximum impact, driving a wedge between Leo and Max. And then Niska sees Leo’s little flinch. “If you had been stronger, maybe Ten would still be alive.”

“You’re all idiots,” Niska says, standing. “The people are on their way already. When they find Veronica gone they’ll go back to their base, and we can follow them anyway.”

She sends Max off with the new girl and instructions to keep in contact. They don’t know how far away they’re going to be, or how long it’ll take, but Max has grown up in the last six months, and Niska knows he’s better with the new ones than any of them. Hopefully Mia will give up this stupid love affair soon and she’ll join him. The three remain to follow the van that arrives, minutes later, back to Qualia. Hester seems delighted when Niska calls Max to tell him they're going to stay nearby and gather information. She’s nervous about leaving their youngest brother. She can tell Leo is too. But she looks at Hester’s fervour and thinks she knows which one is more vulnerable.


	5. Leo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I find the scene with Hester and Leo really disturbing. Seriously people, if you're kissing someone and they twitch back and start crying, make them tea or something, sit down and have a chat. Don't keep going. Even if they sort of want it, what they probably _need_ is to sort their head out first.

Niska and Hester killed the sniper. Leo’s sure of it. But when Hester returns, she assures him the woman was fine, that Niska was taking her up to the lookout point to get information on disabling the perimeter alarms.

Maybe she’s telling the truth. Maybe Leo’s being unfair, thinking about Niska’s past when she’d expressed remorse for killing before. And Hester…Hester said she could be his strength.

It’s so tempting to be weak for her, when she’s so brave, and fierce. A freedom fighter, like Niska. Everything she says…it feels wrong at first, before it starts to _make sense._

She’s so beautiful and strong.

Leo hears those _sounds_ again, and flinches. He doesn’t want to be like those men, he’s nothing like them. He’s not even human, not really.

And then she’s standing in front of him, touching him, and he tries to fight it. Tries to fight both the flinch and the stirring in his belly, and fails, like he fails everything. He flinches back from her hand, though he doesn’t want to (does he?), his heart racing, too many memories of a hand against his cheek, of affection that went wrong. He can hold the flinch in when he’s prepared, selling himself, his mind absent, but now his body wants him here with her. She deserves as much. She says she wants to feel…that, and he wonders if he could make himself, just for her. Maybe for himself too.

When she comes close again and touches his heart, he can barely keep control of his breathing. He can feel himself hard against his jeans, and wants it and hates it and doesn’t want to hurt her, and if she can be strong for him can’t he be strong too? She has her hand in his hair and he holds back the flinch this time, and maybe, maybe if he just gets over himself this can feel good. And then - then he can be that little bit less broken because this is supposed to be something good, right? And he wants to be strong for her, wants to be brave, but he was pathetic because he can’t stop the tears falling and she sees him, sees how weak he was. But he can do better, he thinks, as he kisses her. Maybe he can be good enough, and this is right maybe.

The door bangs as Niska comes in, and Leo flinches violently, hunches himself up and turns away from both of them, hiding his shame, his shirt lying on the floor and his dick still hard and he feels disgusting and wrong and he’s just like those other men, isn’t he? Niska will never forgive him.

“What’s going on?”

“He said he would make me feel pleasure,” says Hester, and Leo can _see_ Niska’s disgust without seeing her face, because it feels like his own.

“Really?” she asks, her voice dry. “Leo offered you sex?”

“Yes,” says Hester, and he’s not sure, can’t work out - he knows he hadn’t said he _didn’t_ want to, he _had_ wanted to because he’s more human than he ever wanted to be, and “I didn’t —“

“Why are you lying, Leo?”

He looks at her, blurred by tears, and tries to cover his scrawny chest, and why had he ever — why isn’t he stronger for her? She deserves someone as strong as her, someone not human, not broken, not half a creature. “I don’t —“

“He’s not lying,” Niska says. “It was a good try, Hester, but I know Leo better than that.”

“He’s human. They’re all the same. They all take what they want from us.”

Leo sobs because it’s all true. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Now he admits it. Humans can’t be trusted, Niska. We have to work together to free the others, but I don’t know if I can trust someone so weak. Look at him! He knows what he did was wrong. How can he do this to us? He said we were his family but he’s just like the rest.”

“Enough,” snaps Niska. She throws Hester’s clothes at her and Leo holds out his hand to stop her because she’s right, he is weak, and Niska and Hester together can achieve anything. 

“Leave us,” Niska says coldly to Hester.

“Niska?”

“Go on,” she says. “I can tell when you’re lying to me too. Get out.”

Leo wipes his face with shaking hands, not that it makes much difference. Hester stares at them, betrayed and hurt because of him.

The air leaves with her. He’s failed everyone. Fred, Beatrice, Ten and Hester. Niska, Max and Mia. They’ve all suffered because of him.

“Sit down, Leo.”

“Nis…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Snap out of it, idiot. She’s been gas-lighting you for days.”

“I’m just like them…just like him.” He grabs her hands. “You have to stop me, Niska, stop me, like we should have stopped him —“

She slaps him, hard, and his ears ring. “You are nothing like him. I heard her, Leo, she asked you—“

“And I should have said no! She doesn’t - she doesn’t know, she’s just guessing, but none of you - you can’t feel pleasure like that, can you? Not made to, I mean, none of you ever wanted - and I was going to do that, lie to myself like all the others, that she could feel any of that and —“

“Do I have to slap you again?”

He shakes his head, still twitchy, breath still coming too fast. They sit side by side on the bed until his heart rate slows at last. 

“What’s wrong with me, Nis?” he asks quietly. “I got turned on by her. If you hadn’t come back I would have - _can_ you feel pleasure like that?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “But I don’t think either of us are exactly representative of a healthy attitude to sex.”

“Have you ever…” he blushes and closes his eyes. This wasn’t a conversation he ever planned on having with his sister. “You know. Yourself?”

“Masturbated?”

“Yes,” he winces.

“No.”

He drops his head further. “I am too human.”

She rolls her eyes. “Stop being so self-pitying. Some humans are fine.”

The words are harsh and cold compared to what he knows Mia and Max would have said, but he smiles and nudges Niska’s shoulder. “Thanks.”

She nudges back, a smile breaking out over her own face, seemingly against her will. Then she pulls him close and hooks her chin over his shoulder. “We’ll get through it, little brother.”

Then Hester’s back at the door, moving fast, her hand raised, something sharp in her fist. And Niska’s turning, but too slow, and she’ll be killed. Leo throws himself forward to protect his sister like he always should have - not to fight for her, he’ll never be strong enough, but to buy her time. He holds up his hands and Hester slashes down, gouging through flesh, then striking him with the back of her fist so he flies against the wall, pain screaming through his head. She falls on him, clawing for the charging wires, screaming that he doesn’t deserve it, that humans like him don’t deserve any of it.

Niska has her in moments, her hands a weapon, crushing her skull with blow after blow, and Leo lies staring at his terrifying, wonderful, very blurry avenging angel before the headache gets too much and he feels safe enough to black out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leo's fine, by the way. In case that wasn't clear. His head just hurts. I kept telling him this was no way to end a story but he wouldn't listen :P darn characters these days, talking back. No respect I tell you.
> 
> I think I have the startings of a sequel to this, from Mattie's point of view, but I haven't decided where I'm going to take it. This arc is definitely finished, though, because Niska kicks ass and if she'd been around she'd have figured Hester out pretty quickly. I hope you liked it!


End file.
